Is your schedule so packed you didn’t even know it was a holiday weekend? Does packing a bag and commuting for hours sound like nothing but more stress? This story is for those of you who are exhausted from “living the dream” and need a little R&R, no Caribbean plane ticket necessary.
My lack of exotic Memorial Day Weekend plans have been met with shocked sighs of slight judgmental pity, forcing me to draw the conclusion that NYC has turned MDW into an aggressive, peer pressure fueled social affair. Well to all of you, I gracefully say, stfu.
Instead of sitting 6 hours of Hamptons traffic or making a mad dash to the airport, what about spending the next 72 hours in your overpriced yet underseen New York City apartment. Afraid your social profile will suffer? We’ve got you covered. Our tips on faking your out-of-town status will make it look like you participated in all the standard MDW activities, without having to answer to any of those persnickety judgey judies.
1. Get a spray tan: Nothing says you just had an incredible weekend like a dewy golden glow. Even if you spent the entire weekend watching Game of Thrones on your iPad, a fresh “out of town” glow will remove any suspicions about ditching your co-worker’s backyard BBQ. If you’re bold enough to try this at home, go with LORAC’s TanTalizer gradual bronzer. If you need to leave it to the pros, call up NYC’s hottest new (and incredibly cheeky) at home service Glowjob NYC .
2. Read a book: And we don’t mean Dickens. Keep your staycation literary choices limited to mindless “beach reads”, like a novel based on a perky 20 something trying to make it in NYC, or our current obsession 50 Shades of Grey (we even designed a scarf around it!). No one will believe you didn’t read this kind of empty literature whilst not on vacation.
3. Get some actual sleep: The best part about coming home from a vacation is that you strut into your office with the healthy complexion of someone who doesn’t hate their life. Note to everyone: you can look like this all the time if you get more than 5 hours of quality sleep per night. You don’t need to go to Barbados to get rid of those undereye bags and sallow skin, just pop a fistful of xanax and say sayonara til Tuesday.
Happy #MDW everyone!!!